


I'm Not A Virgin!

by loveatthirdsight



Category: Gintama
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/M, First Time, Loss of Virginity, Love/Hate, Porn With Plot, Puff-Puff Action, Tsunderes, Two Losers Finding Each Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-02
Updated: 2020-04-02
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:26:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23447740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loveatthirdsight/pseuds/loveatthirdsight
Summary: She just wanted to be a regular girl with a boyfriend who liked her and treated her well. For some reason, this had proven to be exceedingly difficult.
Relationships: Sakata Gintoki/Tsukuyo
Comments: 12
Kudos: 47





	I'm Not A Virgin!

**Author's Note:**

> *To-Oh - refers to Tokyo University, the best and most selective university in Japan  
> *Roppongi - one of Tokyo's most expensive districts to live in  
> *Group date (also known as a goukon) - drinking parties where men and women can meet, get drunk, and get to know each other  
> *Hostess Club - a place where beautiful women are paid to pour drinks for men/businessmen and provide friendly companionship which may or may not evolve to more  
> *Izakaya - a type of informal Japanese bar that serves alcoholic drinks and snacks  
> *Yoshiwara - is no longer a red light district of its former glory, but still has soaplands and is known to contain sex workers
> 
> *** Most of the characters here are 20 - 21 years old, and I wrote them intentionally to be more immature than their original and canon personality. ;)

Tsukuyo wanted a boyfriend. It was an unusual thought, coming from an accomplished young woman like herself. But she supposed it stemmed from the desire to become normal, after years of being stand-offish; boring, even. She didn't want to be a vixen, like Tae, who was known to be a tease, or even sexually adventurous, like Sacchan, who occasionally moonlighted in Shinjuku as a dominatrix.

She just wanted to be a regular girl who had a boyfriend who liked her and treated her well. For some reason, this had proven to be exceedingly difficult.

* * *

In the past, Hinowa had dropped out of school ever since the cult had disappeared and most of the leaders arrested. Since there was no support system for the victims of those kind of things, she and Tsukuyo were on her own, trying their best to support themselves in a world they found they knew nothing about.

Hinowa had quickly found work in Tokyo as a hostess club when she turned sixteen, and became incredibly successful thanks to her good looks and charm. While it eventually brought in a living wage that more than supported the two of them after years of scraping by, Tsukuyo was desperate to pull her sister out of a situation where she had to rely on men to make a living. And that meant doing so well in university that once she became a lawyer, she vowed that her sister would never have to work another day in her life.

But having nobody to support her at home meant Tsukuyo was mostly doing things alone. Whether it was going to school, or making sure that she did her homework, it was mostly up to her to succeed. And it felt awfully lonely at times. Hinowa had taken care of her for so long that Tsukuyo had long forgotten who her real parents had been as they'd been sucked up into the cult, leaving her behind in a world where she no longer fit in.

She remembered going to middle school back when everything fell apart. She'd been lonely back then, an easy target, especially with her country accent. She'd been bullied for being different for having no parents and no money in a world where you weren't normal for having neither - and rumors swirled around that she'd been living in a red light district. After she was subjugated to this treatment at school for a while, Hinowa had her take martial arts, something that she excelled at. Eventually she grew strong and let nobody into her circle unless they had proved themselves worthy.

And it was hard, at first. Nobody seemed to understand what it was like to grow up without parents, until she met Shimura Tae the last year of high school, who seemed to have it all - friends, family, and a job at the local cabaret club. She worked at Snack Smile, a place where men could go to drink in the company of young beautiful women such as herself. Eventually she'd introduced Tsukuyo to Sacchan and Kyuubei, and together they made a gang who went by Diamond Perfume. From then, she never wanted more for friends.

But as for dating, that was a different story. Tsukuyo's biggest regret so far, despite having been popular in high school, had been brushing off all offers of dating. Before, she would say that she needed to put studies ahead of getting a boyfriend. At the time, Hinowa was working at the seedier hostess clubs (sometimes cavorting with a very few, select clients), and had gently advised her to stay away from boys, wanting Tsukuyo to graduate from high school and become an independent woman. Since she respected her sister too much to not follow her advice, she worked hard, was accepted to Waseda University, and planned to go into law.

That had put her off dating for a while, but now she was now at an awkward age where being a virgin wasn't actually commendable anymore. She was twenty, two years into university already, and it was getting old, being _that_ serious girl who had no experience, especially when she was going out for drinks with Sarutobi. Even _Kyuubei_ of all people was experimenting around the block with her newfound lesbianism. The problem wasn't that she couldn't find someone - she was all too aware how easy it was to give herself away. It was that she wanted to give it to someone she actually _liked_. (And of course, wasn't an actual shithead.)

That eliminated pretty much everybody she met. Either they were too short or not athletic enough, or they'd say something idiotic, and she would find her attention slipping away like sand in an hourglass. The dates she went on usually ended up with her texting something short and perfunctory. _I don't think is working out,_ she'd type out _._ And if the person on the other side got upset, she would just block the number.

Unfortunately for her, the only guy that actually fit her admittedly high standards in terms of height, weight, and actually cared to work out on the regular was a legitimate asshole. Also, his perm was pretty stupid looking.

Sakata Gintoki. It was through Tae that Tsukuyo was introduced to him, a strange fellow who never did seem to get along with her. He usually picked Tae from work when Shinpachi couldn't, and from first glance she assumed they were boyfriend and girlfriend. But Tae had later explained that he was just a role model to her brother, someone to fill in the cracks when her father had passed away and it was up to her to take care of Shinpachi. _It would be sort of like dating my brother_ , she'd say to Tsukuyo.

Hypothetically, she should have liked him, and at first she thought nothing of it. Tae had vouched for him - "He does kendo! He's great with kids - and plus, he's fun to hang out with!" Then they'd all gone out on a group date - him, her, and a few of their friends - which ended up in a complete disaster.

She couldn't hold her drink to save her life and ended up wrecking the karaoke bar, to which she and Gintoki had ended up in jail for a night on account of disorderly conduct. To be fair, he'd been completely wasted too, but he'd never forgiven her for punching his nose in the middle of a Rock, Paper, Scissors game. Ever since then he always had a snappy barb for her whenever she saw him in class, which never failed to rile her up.

Then there was that weird incident where she'd been picking up Hinowa after a shift of work. That time, she didn't know what to make of him either.

* * *

She could remember it like it was yesterday.

Sometimes they waited at the same entrance of the main building of the most popular clubs in the Kabuki-chou district; her for Hinowa, and him for Tae. It didn't happen often, but the few times it happened, he'd acknowledge her.

"Yo, drunk terminator."

She stuck her tongue out. "Don't call me that."

They looked at the array of drunk men who'd been kicked out of the club, now that it was nearly 4 am in the morning. Some were stumbling around, puking in random corners of the street.

"Disgusting, isn't it?" Gintoki said. "Dunno why you'd even wait here by yourself."

"I can take care of myself," she said coolly. And it was true - she'd taken down a few men by herself when the harassment came, armed with a roll of coins and a switchblade if things got too dicey.

He shrugged, as if he wasn't impressed by this. "Suit yourself." Tae shortly came out of the building, smiling and waving at Tsukuyo. She wore a mini-skirt and stripper heels, her hair styled in a sleek ponytail. She smelled like smoke and alcohol.

"Hey, Tsukuyo! Where's Hinowa?"

"I guess she's wrapping up things." Tsukuyo didn't really want to tell Tae that she suspected that Hinowa could be somewhere else, probably in some hotel with a high flying executive she didn't know all that well.

"She ought to tell you things like that ahead of time," Tae said softly.

"It's not her fault." Tsukuyo looked at the ground. "It's part of the job - comes with the territory, I guess." Ever since Hinowa had became the Number One hostess in Tokyo, it seemed as if she was getting further away from her little sister. "She'll text me if something comes up."

"I see." Tae looked at her thoughtfully. "Gin-chan, I'll take a taxi. Why don't you look after Tsukki? I'll give you some money for pachinko later."

"I don't need looking after - "

"Nonsense. A pretty girl like you shouldn't be waiting here alone in a seedy neighborhood like this." She waved her hand for a taxi, got inside, and said "To Kichijoji district, please." Cranking down the window, she said, "Gin-chan, if you end up in jail again, I won't be able to bail you out this time."

"That was HER fault!" Gintoki sputtered, pointing his finger at Tsukuyo. Tae simply waved goodbye, the car accelerating until it turned a corner.

There was a pause before he turned around to look at Tsukuyo, grumbling. "Jeez, she does whatever the hell she wants, even though I stayed up so late tonight! Oh well, guess I'll nap tomorrow..."

"You can go home," she said adamantly, hands shoved into her pockets. "I don't need protection."

"Yeah, but she's just going to pester me until she knows you're home safe." He frowned, obviously unhappy with this turn of events. "And anyways, she's right. It's not right for a man to leave a girl behind with all these sleazeballs."

Her violet eyes turned to his. "I can't control what Tae does or doesn't do," she said gravely. "But I don't need your help." He rolled his eyes and then stretched out on a nearby bench, yawning.

"I'm gonna get coffee," she said, trying to refrain from yawning herself. "Try not to go to sleep, shaggy perm."

He scowled, but let her go after thinking better of saying anything. "OK."

She remembered later that there had been an incident, in a dark alleyway where the vending machines were located. Two guys, wasted and looking for an easy target, had locked eyes onto her, blocking her entrance from the stairs back to the building.

_"Oi, oi, oi, what's this beauty doing over here?"_

She glared at the stranger standing behind her. God, she hated drunks. Her hand gripped the switchblade tightly inside her jacket; she quickly stowed the hot coffee can in her pocket and looked straight into the man's eyes.

"C'mon _onee-chan_ , how about you come home with me?" Behind him was another stock market yuppie, ostensibly flushed from too many glasses of _Dom Peri_. She knew that smell all too well, and hated it. "We'll have lots of fun together."

"I'm definitely not interested," she said coolly. "Please, I just want to be left alone."

The man laughed. He reached for her, and by pure instinct, she grabbed the hand on her shoulder and twisted up, hearing a pop and then a scream. She jabbed a flat hand out at him, and then with a curl of her arm, she threw a cross, blocked a punch with her elbow, and landed a heeled boot to someone's stomach. She turned to the last guy, only to find him already hanging upside down from the ceiling by a thin long cord.

"Missed a spot," a voice said. She froze, before Gintoki stepped out of the shadows.

"I had it under control," she said.

"You know, if you could just accept help once in a while, maybe you wouldn't be such a pain in the ass." He sighed. "Tae was right. You DO need help. But you'll die before admitting that, huh?"

Something in his voice didn't seem to have the same edge of mockery as he usually did. And at that, Tsukuyo couldn't figure if he was an asshole, or nice guy, or both.

All she knew while she was sitting at the back of the taxi, riding it with Hinowa dozing on her shoulder, was that she owed him a favor, and that she hated it.

* * *

The four of them didn't always show up for practice at the dojo, but most of them with their schedule they managed to fit in at least a session per week and tried their best to help Shoyou-sensei recruit new students every semester. Gintoki was a part-time teacher, which somehow managed to pay the bills for a shithole apartment in a seedy part of town, although Takasugi knew that he was constantly behind with the rent.

It was Friday afternoon, class had been out at 6pm, and Gintoki was waiting for a train back to Kabuki-chou. Takasugi, on the other hand, lived in a much nicer neighborhood in Roppongi, and was planning to spend the Saturday alone as usual.

"Oi, Takasugi, tell me that you're not locking yourself and studying this weekend."

Said person rolled his eyes. "Sorry that I'm not as fun as you, Gintoki, and that I don't want to drag your wasted ass out of another bar, _yet again_."

"But we're college students! You should be having the time of your lives! Especially _you_ , Mr. Toh-Oh!"

"Just because I actually got into a good school doesn't mean I can take it easy. But now that you mention it... " He fished something out of his bag. "I got an invitation for a group date this Sunday. Wanna come?"

"What, you think you're gonna get a girlfriend?" Gintoki snickered. "Someone short like you?"

"Fuck off," Takasugi said. (Actually, he had an off and on sort of relationship with Kijima Makato, a blonde majoring in Criminal Justice from a nearby women's university, but he wasn't about to talk about it to a blabbermouth like Gintoki, who would inevitably spill the beans to Katsura, or even worse, Sakamoto.)"Anyways, do you wanna go?" he asked.

Gintoki shrugged. He had sort of given up on dating, finding that every girl he was half way interested in never happened to find him interesting. He figured it was because of the perm. Or that he was a national _kendo_ champion, which, to be honest, was an old-fashioned sport in this day and age. Even his so-called nickname while he was competing, the White Demon, sounded stupid.

"You might as well, Gintoki, prostitutes are getting more and more expensive these days."

He flipped Takasugi the bird, to which said friend pretended to be pensive, stroking his chin. "Or I guess you could date Sarutobi, " he suggested.

Gintoki visibly shuddered. " _Fine_ , I'm going." And that was that.

"Dress sharp," Takasugi said. "And for God's sake, don't invite Zura or Tatsuma."

* * *

"Eh? You've been invited to a _group date_ with To-Oh students?"

"How lucky, Tsukki! You're so well connected."

The blonde smiled triumphantly. "Well, it's really all thanks to my sister. She's the one who's invited me." That, and it seems like those rich college boys seemed to patronize her the most in the high-end cabaret clubs...

"Hah! As if this violent woman could get a date." Behind her was Sakata Gintoki, a sophomore majoring in education. Her lips curled. So it was _that_ boy again, who kept picking fights with her for no reason.

"Oh? Is that envy that I hear from a certified cherry boy?" she replied, in honeyed tones.

He stood up from his desk, always reckless and ready for a fight, especially with _that_ girl. "I'm - I'm not a v-virgin! In fact, I'm going to a group date too, and I'm planning on a one-night stand!"

"What the hell do ya mean by one night stand, you shaggy permhead? Your virginity's seeping out!"

"That's not my point! For a girl who destroys bars, I wouldn't count on any of those Tokyo boys to make a woman out of an eternal maiden like you!"

"Eternal maiden?" She puffed up, angry like a hen. "Why, you _tennen perm_ \- "

"In fact, _you've_ never gotten a boyfriend in high school, so you going to this is like asking to be steamrolled. They'll eat you alive," he finished with a relish.

"OK, OK, ladies and gentlemen." Shimura Tae, a pretty brunette majoring in Sociology, cut in between them coolly. "I think class is going to start soon, and Matsudaira-sensei is going to kick you two out if you don't behave." The two of them paled, suddenly embarrassed by her presence, and took their seats far away from each other.

Tae sat next to Gintoki, mostly out of convenience, but mostly because she knew he'd forgotten to do his homework and she owed him a favor. "You ought to stop picking fights with Tsukki, Gin-chan, it's not nice to make fun of her."

He took out his notebook and pencil from his bag, scribbling down answers on his previously blank homework. "Have you heard the stuff she says? She pisses me off."

"Hm, is that so?" Tae examined her perfectly manicured nails, and then opened her pocket mirror to make sure a hair wasn't out of place. "Personally, I think you two have a good thing going on."

"What, me being with that violent woman? Not a chance in hell."

Tae closed the pocket mirror and stowed it back into her designer bag, bought by a certain Kondo Isao a week ago. Not that they were dating; she had a habit of making boys thinking she liked them, and letting them shower her in gifts while she gave them crumbs. She might go on a date with him later, but then again, she might not.

"Then why do you care if she goes on this group date or not?"

"I really don't," he said. As usual, he noticed his classmates staring at him, envious at his proximity to Tae. "I just think she's the kind of girl who'd sue if you poked her boob on a train, that's all."

She made a face at his crude metaphor. "She's really not like that. I know we went drinking a while back, and she did some really weird things, but she's normally not like that."

"Maybe, but it's really her face, you know? I can't stand those kinds of pretentious women, all serious like that. It's like... if you break the rules she's gonna break your pinkie. It's kinda like she's trying to be so _mature_ when really, she's a weird nerd who got best marks in P.E. And, she _seriously_ doesn't know how to handle her drink."

Tae pursed her lips. "Well it's not like you're the same person from high school either. I bet she just wants to be a regular person, especially what she's been through."

He sighed. "Fine. You're right. Are you working today at Snack Smile?"

His friend flashed a quick smile. "Of course I am! Tuition doesn't come cheap. Plus, I gotta pay for Shinpachi's high school fees too."

"Oh, right. Do you want me to pick you up after work?"

"I'll be OK. Shinpachi should be picking me up tonight." The professor walked in, cuing the end of their conversation.

Gintoki felt guilty all of a sudden. Tae had been right, and he felt like he should apologize to Tsukuyo, but then again, he wouldn't even know how to approach the subject. She'd called him a virgin too, and while she was right, it was pretty embarrassing to broadcast that in front of his classmates.

He looked at her; she was studiously taking notes on the subject, always dutiful and a perfect student. If she'd noticed his stare, she made no notion of it.

He'd known her since high school, a good looking girl who'd stoked rumors ever since she transferred in year nine. He knew she was a black belt in judo, but had given it up for some reason or another. She ran track and was damn good at it too, to the point where she would always come in first during the sports festivals, beating even the boys. This both vexed and intrigued him to the point where he signed up to run in the track event the year after, but even so, she had beaten him too.

It was really too bad that she was the type of girl who'd literally tear off his balls, he thought to himself regretfully. If Tae was an example of the classic girl next door, than Tsukuyo was the beautiful rose with thorns on every petal.

* * *

"How do I look?" Tsukuyo asked, anxiously turning around in a mirror. Hinowa smiled.

"Great. I love the outfit." She was wearing a pair of denim jeans, some black ankle booties, and a classy looking leather jacket with a maple leaf pattern on it. It enhanced her cleavage but it wasn't overly slutty. "You must be looking forward to this."

"Online dating is a _nightmare_ ," Tsukuyo said. "I keep getting creeps in my inbox. So I might as well go." She sighed. "I'd just like _one_ nice guy who smells good, isn't a psycho, and actually has a sense of humor. You'd think it'd be easy to find, but..."

Hinowa's eyes twinkled. The other day she had a customer named Sakamoto Tatsuma - an easygoing rich boy, who liked to spend money on beautiful women despite his youth - who had asked her if she knew any pretty girls so that his friend Kintoki (at this, she laughed) could finally have a proper date.

"It's such a shame," he complained good-naturedly, as she poured him a whisky on the rocks. "I swear, he's the last one of us four to lose his virginity."

"Any reason why?" she queried politely.

"It's because he's so lazy! I swear, one time me and Zura set him up with a girl, and what does he do? He ignores her the entire time, orders four strawberry parfaits, and _asks her to pay the bill._ " Sakamoto seemed a little agitated at this. "It's like he doesn't know how to make a girl like him, even though he's a really good guy! Now, I'm an idiot, but he's an even bigger idiot!"

Hinowa had laughed at this, her voice clear and pretty. "Maybe he needs to date someone who's just as much as of an idiot as he is."

"No way," Sakamoto shook his head. "There's no way you'd find a good looking woman who's on the same level as him." He took a sip of his whisky, sighing. "He's a hopeless case. But if you knew someone pretty - " (at this, he winked at Hinowa) " - it'll be worth the wait."

Later, Hinowa had thanked him for his patronage, and hadn't even thought to mention it until Tsukuyo hadn't stopped ranting about her latest disappointment. Hinowa had been listening to her over dinner, smiling at her arbitrary complaints. Although this one had seemed to fit all her standards of physical attractiveness, he was a complete bore who only liked to talk about work. Apparently his breath smelled like cigarettes and mayonnaise, and he was a cop. The cherry on top was that he wasn't even over his ex-girlfriend, judging from the conversation. So on and so forth.

Hinowa herself never really wanted Tsukuyo to date. A part of her was afraid that someone of an unscrupulous nature would take her away, never to be seen again. But most importantly, she didn't want Tsukuyo to get hurt any further than she already had. The girl had been through too much for her age, putting her defenses up so that she wouldn't have to rely on anybody.

But she could see that sometimes Tsukuyo was lonely, even if she tried to pretend that everything was fine to Hinowa. She knew that if her little sister had someone to love, to even be truly _comfortable_ around... that it would eventually make Hinowa happy too. Besides, she was an adult now, no longer a little girl who had to be taken care of.

So it was without any regrets that Hinowa finally told her about the group date, and once Tsukuyo stepped outside the door, she breathed a sigh of relief, hoping that this time, her little sister would get lucky.

* * *

The group date was scheduled to be in Shibuya, a district known for its nightlife. There was a popular _ikazaya_ that was full of Tokyo University students nearby, excited to be free during the weekends.

Tsukuyo was still in the metro bathroom, fussing with her bangs and trying to steel herself into a calm state of mind.

_Remember - not too coy, not too slutty. And you'll be fine._

It still bothered her, that morning in class. She didn't want to fight Gintoki, really. It just happened that every time she saw him, he'd get mouthy on her, and then because she couldn't take his insults lying down, she'd reply back with something as equally vulgar. She knew he was a bit self-conscious about his hair, so she hit him where it hurt.

 _Damned perm head_ , she thought.

-x-

_He's already two drinks in_ , Takasugi thought disapprovingly. _At this rate he'll ruin this event._

"Oi, Gintoki, I'm not paying for your tab. Slow down."

"Ehhhhhh?" Gintoki pretended to be aghast. "I thought you were just saying you had an apartment in Roppongi? Or is it that all just a lie, Chibisugi-kun?"

 _He pisses me off!_ "I told you that I got a good rate on it! And I'm living with a roommate, all right?"

"Oh yeah, that weird DJ producer guy? You have to be really careful, Takasugi, you might end up with another lolicon in your apartment - Ow ow ow!" Gintoki grumbled, rubbing his ear. "Is that any way to treat your childhood friend, Bakasugi-kun?"

"This is how I treat friends who leech on me," Takasugi said, already frustrated. It was a mistake to think that Gintoki could ever behave himself, especially when there were other people around. Usually he didn't mind the bantering, but Gintoki was always the life of the party, and always had to make fun of him no matter what.

"Relax," Gintoki said. "I'm not expecting much out of this."

"I swear, if you misbehave this time, I'm kicking you out. The last time I did this kind of thing with Zura and Tatsuma, I couldn't get invited anywhere for _weeks_."

The door to the ikazaya room slid open, and Gintoki had whirled his head around, eager to see if there were any cute babes. Maybe some Ketsuno Ana look-a-like would pop up, and these high-class girls he had nothing in common with wouldn't be so boring to talk to.

Then she came in, making him suck in his breath.

It was _her_.

Their reaction was delayed, as they stared at each other in shock, but once that was over, it had been immediate.

He stood up, knocking his half-finished beer over, to where the golden liquid spilled onto the table and on Takasugi's beloved jersey jacket. "What the hell are you doing here?"

Tsukuyo was no less furious. "I could say the same to you! You're not even a To-Oh student!"

"I'll have you know that I got invited here by a co-worker from my part-time job!" (At this, Takasugi rolled his eyes.)

"Oh, so you're a plus one?" She smirked. "Pathetic! Do you really think you'll meet someone who'll end your virginity streak?"

"As if you of all people can bag a To-Oh student! Quit daydreaming, you goddamn maiden!"

They continued to bicker, and then after seemingly everybody in the izakaya had gotten tired of their arguments, it was finally Kamui (a foreign exchange student from China) who turned to Takasugi and asked, in his choppy Japanese, "Should we do something about them?"

* * *

_We got kicked out..._

Tsukuyo was mad. That, he could tell. Still, he had to admit that even though she looked intimidating with a scar running down her face, dressed in a black leather jacket and boots, the effect also made her strikingly beautiful. A lethal combination, all in all.

He remembered, vaguely, that her beauty long ago back in high school had attracted countless students, from upperclassmen to students even younger than her. But she turned them all down, to where it became a bit of a joke that they were going to the Courtesan of Death - mostly because asking her out was like asking for death, especially if you got pushy. She'd been known to deliver a German suplex to the ones who bothered asking her again and again.

That was why seeing her all dolled up at the group date had thrown him for a loop. She never wanted to date back then, so why was she now doing a complete 180?

He sighed, thinking he'd never lose his virginity at this rate. "Man... why do I always get tangled up with you?"

No answer came. He glanced at her surreptitiously. A tear had dripped down her cheek.

Gintoki looked at her, in shock. "Oi, what's wrong?"

She turned away. "None of your fuckin' business."

"Is it about this group date? I thought you didn't want a boyfriend, anyway, so why are you - "

"Fuck off!" she said angrily. She kicked a rock on the sidewalk outside the _izakaya_ , wiping away her tears angrily on her shirt sleeve. "I just wanna be normal. Okay? I spent all this time alone to help my sister, and now that we're OK, I just want to be a normal girl and do normal girly things."

That made sense. He felt bad for her now. "Sorry. Still, you wouldn't have a problem getting a man, if you asked me."

"If it weren't for you, idiot, I would have been baggin' someone already!"

This struck his nerve. " _You're_ the one who picked a fight, you drunk terminator!"

"Then why'd ya go to a group date in the first place, cherry boy?"

"No I'm not!"

"Oh yeah, then prove it!" Tsukuyo seemed triumphant at this. "How about it? Why don't you try to take a girl home, for once?"

Gintoki's mind was whirling, trying to come up with something even snappier. "Fine! How about I take YOU home? How about, I, the great White Demon, take the Courtesan of Death home?"

Her jaw dropped. Then after she registered what he was saying, became incredulous. " _ **Haaaaaah**_? The hell did you say?"

"I'm gonna pr-prove it! I'll prove to you personally that I'm not a virgin!" He could imagine Takasugi in the background, whispering _Liar, liar, pants on fire_. Ignoring that pesky thought, he added, "This goes both ways, of course. You can prove that you're not some maiden, too."

She looked incensed. "Fine by me! Let's go to a hotel then! But you'd better be careful, 'cause my technique will probably be too much for a virgin like you! I came from Yoshiwara, ya know!"

"Same to you, violent woman! You'll probably pass out halfway!"

They continued to bicker loudly, seemingly impervious to the blushes and disapproving looks from the pedestrians walking next to them. Somehow they landed up in a love hotel not too far away from the ikazaya, the arguing so ferocious that the tired receptionist quietly booked them a room without any fuss, figuring that this must have been some weird form of foreplay. Even in the elevator they still managed to argue, until they stepped into the room, and the bed stared right at the two of them.

Gintoki was the first to notice how quiet she'd gotten, and then the gravity of the situation dawned on him.

 _Shit_. _Now what?_

He cleared his throat, trying to play it cool. "I'm going to take a quick shower. You'd better get undressed."

The bathroom door closed behind him, and Tsukuyo was left alone to her thoughts.

_How the **fuck** did we get here?_

She wondered if she could just leave, and pretend that this never happened. But then, that would make it plain as day that she was a virgin, and she'd never hear the end of it from Gintoki. _Fuck, I guess we're doing this, then._

She wasn't confident enough to just lie naked on the bed, though. That seemed way too ballsy, and so she decided to strip her clothes off and put on a soft bathrobe instead. Even the prospect of him looking at her panties was embarrassing enough, which she folded and stuffed into the nightstand drawer. They weren't anything exciting; she doubted that a pair of white cotton panties would excite the average college boy anyways. Hopefully her breasts - which had been the envy of so many girls back in high school, especially when they all shared an _onsen_ together on school trips - would obfuscate her lack of experience. Blushing at the very thought, she sat at the edge of the mattress, her body tense.

Gintoki came out of the shower wrapped in the hotel's complimentary bathrobe, the mist momentarily rising up into the bedroom before he closed the door behind him. He was toweling his hair dry.

He could tell in all honesty she wasn't ready for this. Neither was he, but instead he sat down next to her on the bed, contemplating his next move. The atmosphere seemed heavy, ripe for another conflict.

_Maybe we could just call this thing off, watch TV and order some room service. Or we could -_

"Hey." Her voice cut through his thoughts.

"What?"

She took a deep breath, trying to not let her nerves get the best of her. "Aren't we doing this?" she asked, her eyes suddenly challenging his.

(Inwardly, she was freaking out. _Shit! I said it! I just couldn't take the silence anymore!_ )

"You just read my mind," Gintoki said, taking off his bathrobe. _Fuck it, I guess we're really doing this._

She on the other hand, outwardly freaked out this time at the sight of his naked body. "Why are you undressing all of the sudden?!"

"You're _supposed_ to get undressed!" he replied indignantly, even though he too was blushing. "Besides, if I take mine off first, it's less embarrassing for you, right?" _Or so they said in a magazine..._

She couldn't answer that, her heart beating at a rate of a million times per hour. _Shit! He's being so considerate! Maybe he **is** experienced..._

If he was flustered at showing her his body, he didn't show it. But she noticed his biceps, firm and defined, all the way to his straight back, revealing the years of kendo training.

That said, when his hands opened her bathrobe to reveal her naked body, she couldn't help closing her eyes, as if her embarrassment overwhelmed her. She wasn't even sure if she was his type.

As he would have found it, she was. Her body, fully developed, was a dream. For a twenty-year old, her breasts were heavy and fuller than most women on the street, and her skin was luminous and pale. He knew she worked out at the university gym to keep herself fit, but this was truly... unreal.

"Wow, Tsukuyo... You're _hot_." He said this reverently, in a voice that made her feel as if she was a goddess to be worshiped. She opened her eyes, amazed to see that not only was he starting to get hard, his eyes had turned almost crimson from desire. She liked the way his eyes raked over her body, even if it made her blush like a tomato.

"D-don't call me hot!" Her mouth started working out of pure reflex, before she realized how stupid that sounded.

He frowned. "Work with me here. I'm trying to set the mood." He tugged the rest of her bathrobe off gently, still conscientious of being so close with her. "I'm going to touch you now, alright?"

She nodded, still flushed around her cheeks. He started to stroke her breasts, squeezing them lightly. Something about this motion was making her feel suspiciously warm, her breaths getting shallower and shallower.

What would Hinowa do in this situation? she thought. _Amp it up, maybe._ Trying to muster her nonexistent courage, she pushed his head towards her breasts. "Gintoki... you have to do the nipples too." He looked stricken, which would have made her laugh if the situation hadn't been so strange.

 _Shit shit shit_ , he thought to himself. _I've lost the lead because I got too caught up with her breasts_. Trying to remain cool, he pushed her back so that she was lying back on bed. _I still have to act like I've got loads of experience_... _And fuck, why is her skin so smooth?_

Tsukuyo, ironically, had been thinking something along the same lines. _I can just lie here, right? But the Net said that an experienced woman should take the lead too..._

All of that flew out of her head as soon as his mouth enveloped one of her areolas, the pleasure sending a shock of electricity to her loins. Now she couldn't help it; she let out a moan without meaning to, her hips arching every so slightly. He swirled his tongue around, liking the erotic noises she made. He could feel himself growing harder and harder too - if simply looking at her naked body hadn't finished the job, this would have made it a done deal.

He finally withdrew his mouth and looked thoughtfully at the golden thatch of curls down below.

"Gintoki? Wait - are you - ?"

He smiled. "Yeah."

"St-stop! Don't put your face down there!"

"Sorry," he said, even though he wasn't sorry at all, transfixed by her pussy. "It's just... I wanna hear you moan more." He delicately touched her glistening sex, amazed by how it seemed to open up, just like a flower. No amount of porn could substitute for a real woman who laid beneath him.

"It's dripping wet," he murmured, talking to himself more than anything. Still, Tsukuyo blushed, her embarrassment spreading down to her extremities. "Don't talk while you're spreading it!"

Smiling, he finally found the pink pearl, hidden as it was at the top. _Is this the clit?_ Must be, he decided and licked it.

Her reaction was instantaneous. "Ah, ah! Hah - "

 _Tastes weird_ , he thought, _but that's probably how it's supposed to be_. He remembered a porno he rented from Katsura, which had been a fantasy involving a widow (the plot had been admittedly thin), where the man had used his tongue to draw alphabet letters on the woman's clitoris. _Maybe I'll take a leaf out of his book..._

More important were Tsukuyo's reactions, whose moans of pleasure were sometimes punctuated in between by his name. It was a complete turn on. He wished he had two mouths - one to kiss her, and one to... well. You know.

He had only been on letter K, trying to suck her clit in between letters when she finally cried out, "Wait! Gintoki - ah - _ahhhhhh - "_

Her hips buckled up violently, her back arched up before she relaxed slightly.

"Did... did I hurt you somewhere?"

"N-no. It just felt too good..." _Did I just come from that?_ Tsukuyo wondered casually. She was on cloud nine, in a complete state of bliss. _That was way better than using my hands..._

She sat up once she felt more normal, and with far more confidence than she had any right to have, she said, "My turn. Lie on your back." Gintoki obliged, smirking as he was sure that this would prove, definitively, that she was a virgin.

Still, he wondered if she'd watched any porn before. He didn't think she'd make fun of his size, but... what if she cared about things like that? Slightly nervous, he kept his mouth shut, trying to enjoy the view of Tsukuyo's breasts hanging over his dick.

She tilted her head slightly, her head in overdrive. _How am I supposed to do this?_ She _knew_ the concept... but executing it was an entirely different manner. She touched it gingerly, as if she was afraid she'd hurt him. She found his penis oddly shaped, hard to the touch. Yet at the same time, she could feel that it was warm and found the tip unexpectedly squishy.

"Tsukki - " where had that nickname come from? " - You look like this is your first time touching one."

"Of course not!" she stammered, her blush spreading across her face once more. "It's just... you have to feel good too," she said, averting her eyes from his. She finally settled them on his penis. "Stay still," she said, and then positioned her mouth at the base, licking it all the way to the tip.

 _Fuck. That felt good._ He began to pant, finding it hard to concentrate on anything other than the sensation of her tongue.

Liking the noises that were coming from him, Tsukuyo did it again. And again. The smell of his musk was intoxicating and his cock throbbed every time she licked it, almost like a separate organism. She wanted to do it more, especially after he kept moaning her name as if it were the answer to his prayers. _Maybe this is how I felt when he was down there, too..._

Kicking it up a notch, she finally took him in her mouth completely, swallowing him whole. She felt deliciously dirty, as if she had unlocked something sinful. Careful to not let her teeth hurt any part of him, she started to move.

 _I'm... I'm in her mouth_ , Gintoki thought dazedly, as he watched her head bob up and down. When the hell had this girl, so prideful and quick to anger, learned to give _blowjobs_? Not to mention, blowjobs that would have brought any man down to his knees? If licking was dangerous, then the combination of her mouth and tongue was going to kill him soon. In a good way, of course.

"Tsukuyo, stop."

"Mm?"

He forced her off him, as much as he hated to do so. "I was gonna cum from that. I didn't want you to swallow, er - " At this even he had to stop, embarrassed to finish the sentence.

She wiped her mouth, nonchalant. "If it's from you, I wouldn't have minded."

Somehow that made his heart kick into overdrive. He looked at her so long that she turned pink. "What?" she said uneasily. "Did I say something wrong?"

"No. I was just wondering... why _do_ we fight so much?"

The questioned lingered in the air, as she didn't have an answer for him. He smiled anyways and traced a finger down her scar, watching her eyes flutter open and close, like the wings of a butterfly. And without any more thought, he decided he wanted to kiss her. She kissed him back with her hands running through his hair, their legs tangled up in the sheets, hips joyfully grinding against each other.

Virgin... maidenhood... none of that mattered now, did it? He knew that she was kind, respectful, and was more than capable of kicking his ass. She was a girl he could respect and easily be proud of being next to. On her side, she knew that he was also just as kind as she was, and naturally protective of those he cared about. All of this made him feel like he wanted to tell her the truth.

"Tsukuyo."

"Hm?"

"I'm... actually a virgin." It felt good to get that off his chest. "Are you OK with that?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" Her smile was bright, glad that she had been right on the money. "I'm one too."

"You're such a pain in the ass. But... I bet I could fix it, if you let me take your virginity away."

"What are you talking about? I'll be taking yours too," she said, her fingers gently ruffling through his hair. He grinned, still hard. Swiping a condom from the nightstand, he tore the wrapping and rolled it down so that it would fit his penis snugly. Just like the sex ed classes back in high school had taught him to. Now on his knees, he bent over slightly so that the tip touched the entrance of her sex. She shivered slightly in anticipation.

"Are you cold?"

"Nah. Just glad you're my first, Gintoki."

"Oi, you're seriously going to make me fall for you if you keep saying things like that." He nudged her folds apart. "Is this where it goes?"

"Yeah, you're in the right spot."

He slowly inserted himself inside her, scanning her face for any sign of discomfort, but none came. Her mouth was the shape of an O, eyes closed as if she was daydreaming. "That feels amazing," she whispered. He nodded, loving how tight and wet she felt all around him. And warm. He didn't know how warm it would be. His hand was proving itself a poor substitute for the real thing.

"Tsukki... " Again with that nickname. She opened her eyes, loving how it sounded coming from him. It was unexpectedly intimate.

"Are you OK? Tell me if it hurts," he said, eyes filled with concern.

"I'm OK. You can start moving."

"I'll stop if you tell me. I don't wanna hurt you."

"Gintoki, I swear I'm fine. I'll tell you straightaway if it starts to hurt." _And plus, I think you don't want to stop. Which... is actually kinda cute._

"Alright." He rocked his hips, taking her breath away once again, thrusting in and out slowly, trying to establish a steady rhythm, trying his best not to hurt the person below him. But after a while, he noticed that she was pushing him back equally, which sent another shot of desire down to his loins.

She was in complete bliss. She couldn't stop her cries of pleasure, as much as she wanted to out of embarrassment. The more she moaned, the harder he would thrust, and the harder he thrust, the better it felt. And the better it felt, the closer she felt to climax, and that was a strong feeling she wanted to grasp with her own two hands. His hands kneaded her breasts, his lips brushed against her neck, hips grinding against theirs. She needed him to fill her, and to take her completely.

His eyes were glazed. A knot had formed where they were joined together, a sizzling connection that started to pulse from there to the ends of their limbs. The bed beneath them was creaking from their exertions, punctuating the sounds they were making in between.

"I'm gonna cum," he said in the midst of the chaos. There was a slight sheen of sweat on their skin, and she nodded. "Me too," she said. The idea of her coming while he was still inside her was so intoxicating that he had to close his eyes to concentrate on not climaxing so soon.

The sensation of his thrusts and the sheer weight of his body on hers was suddenly too much for her to bear, and suddenly her hips arched violently, clenching around his hard length. For a moment, she only saw white and stars and the sheer ecstasy that coursed through her blood. She felt alive, like she hadn't been in years. As she writhed in the aftershocks of pleasure, something inside him triggered his blood, making him empty himself inside her as the blood rushed to his head.

Almost ready to collapse on top of her, the only sounds of the room came from their lungs for a while.

"Holy _shit_ ," he said. He rolled over, but not before grabbing her hand.

"Holy shit," she agreed.

* * *

" _ **EHHHHH**_?"

"Keep it down, stupid!" and "Shhhhh!" were heard at the same time. Still, Tae stood up from her desk, an incredulous expression on her face.

"Wait a minute. You two are... dating? No way!" Her hand was clasped to her mouth, still open in shock. "Didn't both of you go to a group date just yesterday?"

There was a pause before she saw them both grow increasingly pinker, the two of them staring anywhere but each other. At this, her surprise turned into smugness.

_I knew it._

"Well," she said pleasantly, in a sing-songy voice that was sure to annoy Gintoki, "I thought that this would always happen, myself. Now that you two are a couple, this means that you can finally get rid of each others' virginity, right?" Grinning ear to ear, she said, "Get to it, then."

He cleared his throat, getting even flushed. "Actually, we're not that... anymore... " His new girlfriend was looking at the floor, convinced she was going to die of embarrassment.

There was a long pause before Otae spoke.

"... Oh. ... I see."

* * *

_\- fin -_

**Author's Note:**

> I thought it would be neat to put Sakamoto and Takasugi in Tokyo University, as I feel like their weird intelligence probably translates to them being really successful in the modern world. Katsura probably goes to some weird school for engineering or something. I'd like to think that if this took place in modern day Japan, they still would became friends through Shoyou being their foster father :)
> 
> I'd also like to thank COVID-19 for giving me a good excuse to write this particular fanfiction during quarantine. I think there is a strong possibility I might update my other stories (especially City of Dreams) but I can't guarantee any promises as I've already started to go back to work, unfortunately...
> 
> Please comment or leave kudos if you enjoyed the fic! I worked a really long time on it, so I'd appreciate any feedback! :)


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